I had gone home for a few days due to an emergency. Today was my day returning to London.
It didn't go smoothly and this was my experience.
Everything was fine to begin with on the train, the usual noisy family with the baby decided to surround me but at times like that you smile, put your headphones in and read a book.
It was the underground next. I had two different tubes to get on, the first I was fine on. Two stops and I was at my first destination.
The second one caught me bad. It wasn't busy, I could have sat down but when you are lugging a suitcase and a heavy bag its easier to stand up with them. Only 30 minutes and about 8 stops until my destination. I thought I would cope. I was wrong.
I was just over half way through my journey, three stops left and it kicked in. I started getting shaky, like really shaky. My heart was pounding, I could feel myself burning up. Next was the panic, the sheer panic. I didn't know what to do when I started burning up all of a sudden. I just froze. Became fainter by the minute and was seconds off passing out in the middle of a tube. I didn't know what to do, I panicked even more and I had no one there to help me. I was alone. I jumped off at the next stop as quick as I could and sat down at the nearest bench. Not knowing where i was or what to do. I was scared. Couldn't catch my breath. I just wanted to burst into tears; collapse. I knew I needed to stay strong, after all I was almost home. I hopped onto the tube after I had calmed myself, caught my breathe and hoped for the best. Hoped I would make it back safe without collapsing or crying.
I finally made it to the comfort of my new home, not feeling much more relaxed because I'm scared it will happen again but next time not knowing if I will be able to escape, instead will faint.
This has been my most personal post so far, i understand it may not interest a lot of you but i know there is a lot of people out there suffering with anxiety problems and social situations. I just wanted to say to them, you're not alone.
Oh and a blog post all about London will be soon, just want to gather loads of photos first!
XOXO
